How to make your posts look great! – WAU
* Note: this post is of a satirical nature and works as a general criticism of content that does not have quality, but uses formulas from good posts to look great. Making a post that looks great is not at all complicated as you will see here. It is unfortunately a common practice with the growth of Content Marketing. You […]
*Note: this post is of a satirical nature and works as a general criticism of content that does not have quality, but uses formulas from good posts to look great. Making a post that looks great is not at all complicated as you will see here. It is unfortunately a common practice with the growth of Content Marketing.
You entered this post expecting quality content and very well written, in which I would give a perfect formula for you to optimize your blog and your writing, right?
Well, for the first time in the history of this blog, this will not happen. In this post you will read about… nothing!
That’s right. Nothing at all.
It will be content without any relevant information for you. But I’m going to make him look like absolutely indispensable for your life!
How am I going to do this? How to make a post without anything interesting, but still hold your attention and look absolutely brilliant?
First, I’ll leave you with a relevant statistic that will get you a little bit into the content. After all, 74% of the people who read this content until the end saw my photo down there.
I’ll make a promise: if you read this content to the end, you’ll learn that nothing has changed in your life and that, perhaps, you have wasted some precious minutes.
I’ll ask a thought-provoking question to pique your interest and curiosity:
Did you know that by the end of this text you may be surprised? Or maybe not?
Did you know that maybe it will change the way you view blog posts? Or maybe not?
Now I will leave in topics all the useless information that you will see here:
- Grain by grain the hen fills her belly;
- In a text about a keyword, talk about that keyword;
- Pneumoultramicroscopicossilicovulcanoconiótico is the largest word in the London language;
- You are trying to pronounce it;
- We will see incredible and enchanting statistics!
- You want to know how far I’m going to go with this, don’t you?
So to enjoy all this fundamental information, keep following our post and be surprised by the progress of this text!
P.S: you can share on your social networks before you even read, if you give up while reading!
Understand what this is (Keyword)
Of course, the first topic of my brilliant text needs to contextualize you about my chosen keyword, in this case, nothing!
It is extremely important that you understand how nothing it can be important for you, after all you are faced with several things in your life: nothing good, nothing to do, nothing to eat, in short, nothing!
For emphasis, I will use a quote from someone smarter than me, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with what I am saying.
Now, my speech is based on Albert Einstein and you know you need it in your life.
If even so, I haven’t explained it well enough, I’ll leave a video here that will help me pass the concept better!
Videos enrich content (wow! if it’s in bold it’s important)! And the production of a video expands my relevance and authority.
This video shows exactly our relationship in this text:
I will keep promising new things to keep your attention. Even if at the end of the day I don’t follow any of them:
It’s time to read the next topic to learn even more benefits for you to enjoy.
How this (keyword) can take you exactly where you need it
Well, for you to continue reading this text looking for new information, you need to show how the object in question is capable of changing your life.
- This is the perfect time to use relevant statistics.
- 507 is the number of words you have read so far;
- 520 if we consider the sentence above;
- 0 is the number of lessons you have taken from this text;
Now I will give you even more shocking information!
- 100% of people are unable to lick their elbows;
- 83% just tried;
- The other 17% are taking off now;
- Or not.
Impressive! But statistics are useless if I don’t prove them with a renowned reference.
I’m glad I removed all this data from the IBGE website (you can check).
So, I proved that I understand a lot about the subject, and I still researched a lot about it.
Now for some brief explanation of these benefits in your life.
Three sad tigers eat three plates of wheat. The spider scratches the jar, the jar scratches the spider.
And there’s more!
I’ll add an image here, to make the text more friendly to the view. Again, even though it has nothing to do with the text.
Ideally, it should be vectorized and cute, something unique. But our design team did not want to waste time on this text.
As I don’t want to leave this giant topic, I will leave here a CTA for the download of our ebook that explains even better how nothing will get you anywhere:
(Having an ebook on the topic makes me an authority on the subject).
137 ways to explore the benefits of the thing in question
One thing is one thing, another thing is another thing!
It is always great to start our topics with catchphrases, even if they are absolutely obvious.
People connect with people, a rich country is a country without poverty, rather late than later, among others.
And another thing, it’s really cool you explore absurd numbers in intertitles and even in the titles of your articles. Numbers draw a lot of attention!
I bet you are trying to spell out the number above. I didn’t even try!
Closing with brass key
Every conclusion needs to close all the ideas raised by your blog post very well.
I am not going to throw new ideas and not get too involved here. After all, I was talking about nothing and I will conclude like this!
There’s no use trying to save my text at the conclusion! It’s time to recap the solution to the problem that brought you here.
What happened while you wasted your time reading this:
- Usain Bolt ran 100m. 10 times;
- Michael Phelps won a gold medal (or two);
- German goal;
- Goku defeated Freeza;
- Michael Jordan scored the victory basket against the Monstars;
- Jack Bauer went to the bathroom (amazed);
- Our traffic grew by 1%.
To close, we need a great CTA! First I will remind you to share my content, if you have come this far and are angry, make a friend of yours lose the same time that you lost!
And don’t be mad at me! I spent a lot more time writing.
And leave your comment there saying if you read it until the end and if you are ready to make your articles look great!
* This post was highly inspired by this lecture:
Take a valuable lesson there!
OK! Finally, I will give you a valuable lesson. I just can’t waste your time.
As I said, I managed to arrest you to the end of the content without adding anything useful to you, just using the elements of a great post.
Maybe you even think you’ve learned something, after all the post that looks great generates this effect. But the elements alone mean nothing!
Your content will only look great until your persona realizes that they add nothing! So learn from the elements of the genius post, but remember that the content is the most valuable.
What good is a list of 97 tools if only 4 are really useful for your persona? What good are statistics that fill your eyes but won’t make any difference?
Looking genius is very different from being genius!